Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
Every other Monday afternoon, I would drive to the cancer center for a chemotherapy treatment. As soon as I got within half a mile of the cancer center, I would become overwhelmed with dread. The parking lot made me nauseous. I would hold my head down as I walked inside the building, too tired and weak to make eye contact with the friendly staff smiling at me with such love and care. I checked in on the kiosk in the lobby, paid my $50 copay, and got my blood drawn. My arm was so tired of needles. Then I would head on to the chemo room and sit in my recliner. My nurse would hook the tube up to the port implanted in my chest, and the drip would begin.
Not long after I was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer, I found myself crumpled on my living room floor hysterical with fear. Terrified. Crying. Asking God why is cancer happening to me? I was fighting a paralyzing fear. A fear of the thought of my young children having to live in this world without me, without my unconditional love, without my guidance, without my homemade spaghetti and meatballs. I struggled to reconcile my grave diagnosis with a God that promised me a more abundant life. But then I was reminded, God never promised to remove all of my pain and suffering, what He promised was that He would never leave me nor forsake me. That afternoon, on my living room floor, I was given the power to reject fear and press in to a God that loves me unconditionally. That day I was at the end of all of the strength I could muster, and it was then that God empowered my spirit with a supernatural strength…and He did it with strawberries.
During chemo, you have bad days, really bad days, and days that you would prefer to be dead. On one of my really bad days, after dropping the kids at school, I came home and opened my Bible. It was February. It was cold outside, and the landscape was barren and lifeless - kinda like I was! I was beaten down and I felt horrible. I asked God — no I begged God — to comfort me in some way, big or small. I just needed to feel His presence. I knew intellectually and spiritually that God was with me, but on that particular day, I wanted to experience Him in a tangible way.
Later that morning as I was curled up on the couch watching TV and feeling miserable, I kept seeing commercials for Shari's Berries. You know the ones. Those plump, juicy berries covered in rich, delicious chocolate. The ads go in heavy rotation around Valentine's Day. It was early February, so they were frequent. I think their ads literally came on during each commercial break. They urged folks to buy a box of Shari’s Berries for their sweetheart, mother, or friend and it would ship in time for Valentine's Day. By lunchtime, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to have a chocolate-covered strawberry! I went into the kitchen and stared into the refrigerator hoping that a plump, juicy strawberry would appear. It didn’t. There wasn’t a single thing in my house that would be considered fresh. I did find an almost empty bottle of Hershey’s syrup. I got a half a teaspoon of that, but it didn’t satisfy my craving for a Shari’s Berry. I did not have the energy to go to the grocery store, so my craving for a chocolate-covered strawberry would go unsatisfied. I went back and collapsed on the couch and continued my “Law & Order” marathon.
That afternoon I had to go pick my children up from school. Devoid of energy, I didn’t talk much on our short drive home. As we pulled into our driveway, I noticed a box on the doorstep. As I got close enough to see the box, I began shaking like a leaf and could not believe what my eyes were seeing. It was a box of Shari's Berries, sitting right there on my doorstep! They were sent from my friend Jessica who lives in Washington, D.C. I had never in my life asked anyone for Shari’s Berries. I had never much even thought about them until that very day. But that morning, wallowing on the couch in my weakness, I asked God to comfort me in a tangible way, and He sent me exactly what I asked for: a box of chocolate-covered strawberries and His supernatural strength.